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Discipline
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desert dweller View Drop Down
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Joined: 12 Jun 2008
Posts: 27 		  Quote desert dweller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Discipline
    Posted: 04 Oct 2008 at 12:04pm
I have three boys, 15, 14 and 6. I had very little behavior problems with my older boys when they were young, but my 6-year old throws tantrums like I've never seen....not often, just every once in a while, especially if he's tired or doesn't get his way. He gets this challenging look in his eye that says "come on mom! what are you going to do? how are you going to control this situation?" He sometimes claims that he can't control what he's doing. I don't believe that, but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Usually the only method of discipline that works with him is restriction-taking away something that he enjoys-a game, a toy, a special time. I'll admit that as the youngest of three, he's a little on the spoiled side. Not only is he the youngest so he gets more personal time and attention, but we're also in a better place financially than I was with my older boys, so he has more materially too. Any suggestions? or even stories would make me feel better....Confused
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onedrfulife View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 8 		  Quote onedrfulife Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Oct 2008 at 9:40pm
I can't say I've had the exact same problem, but when my daughter was little, she threw some major tantrums. To be honest, the only way I found to deal with them was to ignore them. As hard and simple as that sounds, it worked. I realized that her tantrums were a way of controlling me and the situation. As soon as she no longer got "the pay-off" they stopped. As she got older, I taught her about breathing. When she would get upset, I would remind her to breath deeply 3 times before she said a word or reacted. She still struggles with this. As she has now entered her 20s, I still get an occasional phone call where she has "lost it", but I quickly remind her about the breathing technique and she calms down immediately.

All children can learn to control themselves. I truly believe this. It was hard for me as a child (I am prone to emotional reactions), but breathing helps me. Taking a walk also helps!

Try this! Tell your son: "from now on when you act like this I am going to ignore you and let you throw a tantrum in your room (or the car or wherever he can go alone)." Then do it. Every time. I'd like to know if this works for you! I hope you find peace with him!
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desert dweller View Drop Down
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Joined: 12 Jun 2008
Posts: 27 		  Quote desert dweller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Oct 2008 at 10:09pm
Thank you for these words of advice. I try the breathing with him when he's crying, but hadn't considered doing that when he's flipping out. I've tried a variation of your suggestion by telling him "if you feel like you need to act like this, go ahead and get it out of your system, but by the time I start the car, you had better be done."  Magically, it's worked most of the time and I haven't had to throw in a "or else...." I'm going to try the ignoring next time though (it would be nice if there weren't a next time, but unfortunately, I know there will be). I will report back on our success. Clap
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admin View Drop Down
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Joined: 16 May 2008
Posts: 5 		  Quote admin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2008 at 7:37pm

What may make you feel better is that my six year old seems to be throwing his tantrums from time to time too!  So, clearly they are testing the waters.  If it's not one reaction, it's another.  I find my going quiet when my son gets outraged helps alot--but being quiet is hard work! 

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desert dweller View Drop Down
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Joined: 12 Jun 2008
Posts: 27 		  Quote desert dweller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2008 at 10:08pm
Thank you for more great advice. We've tried the "time out" with me ignoring it the last couple times and he seems to be doing better overall. Most importantly, I'm not reacting to his actions, which seems to keep the situation from escalating out of control....now if we can just get rid of the whining.....I find myself saying "I'm sorry, but I can't understand you when you're not using a normal voice" a lot lately!
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