Jen Sey's Success Tips

I've been asked to provide a few helpful tips that might prompt success in your life. Not sure I'm the end-all be-all on this, but I'll tell you what I think know. For now. It seems to change all the time.

It also depends on your definition of success. I'm going to go with a somewhat traditional definition, adapted to my own preferences. Achievement is something you care about. I'm not talking about financial windfalls, though they sometimes follow. But doing well, having it acknowledged by the world in some way, in a field that matters to you.

I won't talk about balance in that calm and soothing 'om' kind of way. It isn't something I've ever sought. I have a full life but it is completely wacky, jam-packed, somewhat sleep deprived and unbalanced. I can't keep up with it sometimes. Which is exactly how I like it.

So if you want a life that includes 1) a career, 2) a side gig doing something creatively fulfilling and 3) a family, you might have the slightest interest in my insights. Here goes:

1. Work hard. Really hard. I'm not talking about trying hard. Or working hard but within reason in a really managed sort of way. Work unreasonably hard. This is not advice that any therapist or yoga teacher would give. But it is what I've done since I can remember and it works for me. And I actually like it. I love it really and feel a bit lost if I'm not working my fingers to the bone.

I learned this lesson as a kid. I was an internationally competitive gymnast and the 1986 National Champion. I didn't get there by training a few hours a day, stopping when it hurt, and certainly not without a few tears and injuries along the way. And there is a lot I regret about those days (abusive coaches, eating disorders, family difficulties), but I don't regret what I missed (typical teenaged stuff) and I am grateful to have learned the hard work lesson at a young age. I look back on the day that I won the national championship as one of the proudest and happiest of my life.

I've applied this lesson as an adult. If I'm not pushing myself to some sort of limit, I don't feel I'm working hard enough to achieve anything worthwhile. Anything I'd value. I know this makes me sound crazy. And perhaps I am a tad on the nuts side. But these are my insights. You don't have to heed them.

2. Lean into your talents and aptitudes. But don't rely solely on them. (apply insight #1 as well). Hard work + talent = success. In my humble opinion. One without the other only gets you so far. I watched many talented gymnasts lean back and relax while other less talented girls toiled and ultimately, blew the talented out of the water. But if you know yourself, know what you are good at, and then apply yourself through unreasonable hard work...you will be unstoppable. If you kick back, rest on your talent laurels and assume you will prevail, you will watch the driven pass you by.

3. You need to love it. Or else you won't work as hard as is required. The only way I could have worked through broken bones and disappointments as a gymnast was that I loved the sport. I loved everything about it. How it felt to do something well, how it felt to learn something new, to perform, to compete, to watch others. There is no way that you can work as hard as is required to do something spectacular if you don't absolutely love what you do.

But the love has to be built upon an aptitude. Loving to do something without the talent = hobby. Right? Have as many hobbies as you want. But choose to work hard at something you have a talent for that you also love doing. Bingo. Success.

4. Have multiple irons in the fire. Something will work out. I used to think I had to quit working in order to start writing. But the anxiety over not working and not having a consistent paycheck made me so frantic that I didn't have the head space to write anything. I finally learned that if I wanted to write, I could do it in addition to working at my normal job. It meant that I'd spend spare hours tap tapping at the key board rather than watching Real Housewives of Orange County (though I'll admit, it was often on in the background); I woke early before my kids to bang out a few paragraphs and spent plane rides for business trips plowing through new chapters. Writing became my recreational activity and it was as relaxing and fulfilling as any yoga class. I did forgo something, and that was the yoga/exercise hour. Alas, you can't have it all, I suppose.

I now have a life that consists of working my corporate job as the V.P. Of Global Marketing for Dockers while also being a writer. My memoir, Chalked Up, came out in 2008 and I am working on another book (or 2) in those spare moments mentioned above. I didn't have to give up one thing for the other. I couldn't have as I'm the breadwinner in our household. And ultimately, I realized I didn't want to give up one for the other. It's the combination that makes me happy. Writing is a solitary endeavor and I would truly go insane (as opposed to being just a bit off kilter, as I am now) if I did nothing but sit at my desk all day alone, writing self-indulgent blog posts and books that may go nowhere. But the combination of writing – having that creative and very personal outlet – and working – leading a team, being part of a larger story – is fulfilling for me.

One day I'd like to transition to writing full time. And I will. When I tire of the corporate machine, the pressures and politics, I'll withdraw and sit at my desk all day tap tapping away. But until that day, I'll take both, thank you very much.

5. Don't give up having a family or loads of friends to be a successful woman in business. It simply isn't necessary. You might find yourself a few years behind some of the gentlemen having taken some time in your 20's and 30's to have a couple of babies. But you can catch up. And it isn't a race anyway. You don't need to get to the finish line first. What follows is a cliché, I know, but every bit of professional success means nothing without people that you love, and whom love you, to celebrate and enjoy it with. The people that love you are the gas in the engine. They give you the inspiration, the mojo, the support and love and hugs you need to keep going.

So there. You can have it all. There is no neat way to do any of this. It's messy and filled with tears and frustration and anger, at times. You'll be exhausted and mad at your husband and sick of your boss. There is no how to list to get you to bliss. You've got to put your head down, work hard, dive into all of it. Embrace the sloppy, overwhelming joy of it. Cry when you need to. Laugh often. And just keep going.